how to be a great speaker | Presentation Xpert

4 Traits that Distinguish Confident Speakers from Nervous Nellies

Back in 1990, Ron Hoff wrote a popular book about public speaking entitled I Can See You Naked. The idea was that if a speaker looked out at the audience and imagined everyone sitting in their birthday suits, he would take a scary crowd and turn it into a docile nudist colony, thus defusing their power to intimidate.

For many people, that kind of visualization worked wonders in building confidence. But for the Nervous Nellies among us, it actually backfired. For them, the image is reversed. Instead of the speaker looking out at a group of meek naked people, they imagine an entire audience who can (gasp!) see the speaker naked!

That’s what can happen when you let your nerves get the best of you and put your anxiety on parade.

When you act like a Nervous Nellie, your audience really can see you naked. But when you act like a confident speaker and do the things they do (even though you may still be nervous), the audience feels more comfortable and responds accordingly.

Here are 4 traits that distinguish confident speakers from Nervous Nellies:

1. Confident speakers are proud.

They stand erect, hold in their stomachs, pull back their shoulders and lift their torso. They stand tall and strong, showing the audience by their posture that they are poised and credible. The confident speaker is aware of the positive impact of strong posture on others and expresses their personal pride through posture.

2. Confident speakers are compassionate.

They pay attention to the audience as a person, not a crowd. They don’t categorize or stereotype. They care about others. This means the speaker looks at people’s faces, uses penetrating eye contact, shows a blend of serious and lighthearted facial expressions, and tries to connect at every level—verbal and non-verbal.

3. Confident speakers are spontaneous.

They plan and prepare their presentation and put in many hours of rehearsal, but they also know that is just the beginning. Once on-stage they follow their intuition, understanding the importance of “reading and relating” to the audience in the moment.

They comfortably adjust the planned speech whenever necessary to make it more relevant and meaningful.

4. Confident speakers are generous.

There really is something to the phrase “giving a speech.” The world has been turned in a more positive direction because of brave people who spoke out—think Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Gandhi, Gloria Steinem, Margaret Meade, Eleanor Roosevelt, just to name a few.

But it has also been turned by the everyday speaker who decides to be more persuasive and passionate.

All of us have a point of view and set of beliefs that can also change the world. So the next time you give a presentation, if picturing the audience naked helps, by all means do it. But if you’re a true Nervous Nellie, keep your audience fully clothed and make a commitment to use the traits and strategies that confident speakers employ.

Be proud, compassionate, spontaneous, and generous, and then dare any audience to see you naked. That’s the surest way to conquer your fears in the midst of any crowd.

About the Author:

Angela DeFinis is the founder and president of DeFinis Communications, a presentation skills training company that offers a curriculum of professional public speaking programs and services for Fortune 1,000 companies in all industries. Specializing in executive speech coaching, DeFinis helps business leaders find solutions to their presentation challenges so they can successfully compete in a demanding marketplace. For more information, visit www.definiscommunications.com

How to Thrive in a Challenging Speaking Situation

Not long ago I had the pleasure of working with Carolyne Stayton, the Executive Director of Transition US. Transition US is a resource and catalyst for building resilient communities across the United States that are able to withstand severe energy, climate, or economic shocks while creating a better quality of life in the process.

Carolyne was scheduled to give a speech at the Bioneers conference in Marin County, CA, and she needed help with her preparation. Bioneers is a non-profit educational organization that highlights breakthrough solutions for restoring people and planet. Since 1990, Bioneers has acted as a fertile hub of social and scientific innovators with nature-inspired approaches for the world’s most pressing environmental and social challenges.

Carolyn’s topic was “Resilient Communities: Mobilizing and Equipping Local Citizen Action.” Here’s how she began her speech:

“I’d like to begin by using the analogy of “the story.” In our climate story, we are entering the chapter where the dragon has arrived. He’s breathing fire and scorching our crops. He’s melting the ice and causing tornadoes where they’ve never been seen before. He’s flooding our rivers, our cities, and our towns. And he’s madly extracting oil from our fragile landscapes.

So where did this dragon come from? He came from our decades of wonton consumerism. He came from our explosive carbon lifestyle. And he came from our blatant disregard for the laws of nature. This sounds like a pretty bleak chapter in the story, doesn’t it? It sounds like a story you want to put down and not finish.

But I’ve got good news for you. We are also at the point in the story where the hero arrives to save the day. And the best news of all is this: the hero is YOU! My purpose here today is to give you the information, tools, and resources you need to confront the dragon head on, to slay him. To sauté him. And to serve him up at a pot luck supper!”

The night before Carolyn was scheduled to give her speech, she sent me an email. She said she had the jitters and needed a last minute pep talk. I sent her a list of some things to do to further prepare her body and mind. Among them was to limit caffeine, drink plenty of water, sit quietly and breathe deeply, and visualize success before her talk.

Two days later I received another email from Carolyn. Here’s what she wrote:

Thank you so much for the last minute tips and for all of the wisdom you imparted. They really helped me. Among other things, I was very conscious of my breath all through Saturday. I stayed away from caffeine and I did drink lots of water. But I do have a story for you.

Fifteen minutes before my presentation, I was sitting on a bench in the sun, feeling my heart and connecting right through my legs and feet to the earth. Unbeknownst to me, my water bottle had tipped and had poured all over my notes AND the back of my skirt. Basically I was sitting in a puddle!

I had to wring my skirt out, walk onto the stage, and stand before the audience with a skirt clinging to the back of my legs and wet underwear! My practice and work on the presentation saved me. But instead of being nicely grounded in my heart, I was definitely more in my head. Apparently no one else noticed! So to add to your book of what not to do (fig leaf, etc.) feel free to add “don’t pour water on your butt”! Geez. Without your help, having the water incident happen would have absolutely immobilized me. Fortunately, I delivered adequately and from some comments, very well. Thanks from the bottom of my heart.

There is a lesson here. Even when you are prepared, confident, centered, and in control, things happen out of the blue. Good speakers take these unwelcome incidents in stride and roll with them, keeping perspective, going back to the long hours of preparation and planning, and moving on as if nothing had happened.

So the next time you’re ready to present and suddenly realize that you’ve just sat in a puddle of water, or that you forgot your slides at your office across town, or that your room set up is not what you expected, or anything else that could possibly happen, relax and rely on your practice, wisdom, and expertise to pull you through.

When you’re prepared and confident, you can thrive in even the most challenging speaking situations.

About the Author:

Angela DeFinis is the founder and president of DeFinis Communications, a presentation skills training company that offers a curriculum of professional public speaking programs and services for Fortune 1,000 companies in all industries. Specializing in Executive Speech Coaching, DeFinis Communications helps business leaders find solutions to their presentation challenges so they can successfully compete in a demanding marketplace. Visit her web site at www.definiscommunications.com

Increase the Likeability Factor to Make Your Message Matter

To be heard, you have to make people like you. You need to create chemistry—with your staff as a manager, with your team as a project leader, with your boss, with your customer, with your strategic partners. People believe people they like.

That’s not a news bulletin. Great communicators develop The Likeability Factor—your personality and the “chemistry” you create between yourself and others. Just as many roads lead to success in the workplace, many different personalities attract followers.

But the following traits seem universally to attract people and open their minds and hearts.

Be Vulnerable: Show Your Humanity

In speaker training 101, people learn to tell failure stories before success stories. Generally, audiences have more in common with those who struggle than those who succeed in life.

If you worry about whether your teen will graduate from high school without getting involved with the wrong group, say so. If your father-in-law drove you nuts during the holiday weekend, it’s okay to mention to your colleagues on Monday morning that you might not have been the storybook spouse.

If you lose a customer, regret it rather than excuse it. If you miss a deadline, repair the damage and catch up. If you miss a payment, make it, with interest. If you make a mistake, own it and correct it.

If you misjudge someone, apologize and make amends.

People respond to humans much more favorably than machines. When you communicate with colleagues, never fear to let them see your humanity.

Be Courteous—Remember to Kick the Copier

Day in and day out, it’s the small things that kill our spirit: The sales rep who empties his cold coffee and leaves the splatters all over the sink. The manager who uses the last drop of lotion and doesn’t refill the container. The analyst who walks away from the printer, leaving the red light flashing “paper jam.”

The boss who walks into the reserved conference room in the middle of a meeting and bumps everybody out for an “urgent” strategic planning meeting. The person who cuts in line at the cafeteria cash register. The guy who answers his cell phone and tries to carry on a conversation out loud in the middle of a meeting.

So even the smallest courtesies kindle a fire that ignites chemistry and builds kinship. The courtesy of saying “hello” when you come into the office after being away. The courtesy of letting people know when you’re going to be away for an extended period.

The courtesy of honoring policies about reserving rooms, spaces, and equipment for activities. The courtesy of a simple “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome” for small favors.

Share a Sense of Humor

No matter whether people agreed or disagreed with former president George W. Bush’s political positions, they typically admired his self-deprecating humor. At one of the Washington correspondents dinners, that ability to poke fun at himself seemed to be the primary thing the media responded to favorably.

Bush said at the lectern, “I always enjoy these events. But why couldn’t I have dinner with the 36 percent of the people who like me?”

At one such event, Bush even brought along his “double,” comedian Steve Bridges, to make fun of his frequent mispronunciations: The double modeled for him one of his most difficult words to pronounce correctly: “Nu—cle—ar proliferation….nu—cle—ar proliferation. Nu—cle—ar proliferation.”

Then Bush tried it, “Nu-cle—ar pro-boblieration.” The crowd went wild.

Self-deprecating humor can open hearts and minds to make people receptive to ideas in ways words alone cannot.

Show Humility

Power can be seductive. Praise pushes people’s buttons, elevating peer pressure to feel important. And just as suddenly as lightning strikes, an act of arrogance can destroy an otherwise credible communicator.

Refusing to acknowledge people when they speak to you. Failure to respond to people’s suggestions. Haughty body language. Time spent only with those of your “rank and ilk” at a social gathering. An amused smirk in response to an idea expressed in a meeting. An upward roll of the eyes meant to discredit someone’s comment in the hallway. A talk jam-packed with jargon meant to confuse rather than clarify. Insistence that things must be said one way and one way only.

Credible communicators show humility in innumerable ways:

They let others “showcase” by delivering key messages instead of always having to be “on stage” themselves.
They let others feel important by “interpreting,” “passing on,” and “applying” their goals and initiatives.
They get input from others—and consider that input worthy of a response. (They don’t ask for input “just for drill” if they don’t plan to consider it.)
They excite others by asking for their help, cooperation, and buy-in.
They share the limelight by telling stories about star performers.
They share leadership roles by telling success stories of other leaders.
They communicate awareness and appreciation of the efforts and results of other people.

Certainly, credibility involves a balancing act between establishing a noteworthy track record and fading away into the furniture. People do want to know that you know what you’re talking about. But arrogance antagonizes them. Expertise tinged with a touch of humility goes down far better.

Your look, language, and likeable personality will have a huge impact on whether people accept what you say. If your message isn’t sinking in…if you’re not getting the action you want… maybe you should take it, well…personally.

About the Author:

Dianna Booher works with organizations to increase productivity and effectiveness through better communication: oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational. For more information visit www.booher.com